Which comes first: the marraige or the baby?
People are firmly in two camps when it comes to many issues... Christmas decor before Thanksgiving, which football team you root for, and whether your marraige or your children should be the first priority in your life. While some are steadfast in their dedication to make the relationship with their spouse the first priority, others are more practical and realize that children require more of their attention while they're young.
Though, I guess not all people feel strongly one way or the other because I fall somewhere in the middle. While my husband is capable of feeding, dressing, and bathing himself (even if it isn't always up to my standards), my three year old daughter isn't. So naturally, she requires more of my attention. She wants to play with me or my husband constantly, while, given the chance, Dustin and I crave some alone time. It just makes sense to put her first while she still wants to be with us. Unfortunately, there will come a day when she will be holed up in her room or out with friends and we might wish we had spent time with her while we had the chance.
When my husband starts to feel more like a roommate than a romantic partner, though, I try to remember that our relationship will still (hopefully) be there long after the kids move out of the house. Constantly choosing my daughter over my husband can't feel good to him, even if it is a noble decision. It's good for Marissa to see Dustin and I kiss and love each other. When she talks about Disney characters kissing or models this behavior with her dolls, I am all too aware that what she sees sets the model for how she'll view relationships. Do I want her to believe that marraige is a boring, stagnant relationship or could she see some of the romance and fun involved in it as well? Ultimately, investing in our marraige benefits her as well. Though it is hard to leave her behind with my parents when she's asking for mommy to stay, I know that putting my husband first from time to time is in her best interest. We can't expect to put our marraige on the back-burner for so long and expect to find it just where we left it once we are empty nesters.
Maybe I'm not so indifferent on the topic after all. You won't find us on weekly date nights (even pre-COVID) or on marraige retreats, but you might catch us cuddled on the couch watching a movie together or squeezing in time for a board game after we put our daughter to bed. I've said that the hardest thing about expecting your first baby is that you don't know what to expect. The hardest thing about every pregnancy after that, is that you do. I know one-on-one time with my hubby will be limited in the newborn stage, so until baby boy arrives, I'm cherishing every bit of alone time we can find.
If you're experiencing marital troubles of your own or maybe just like being nosy in other people's relationships, then you'll enjoy my new book More than a Mother. In the sequel, Cassidy and Drew's troubles come to the forefront of their relationship. They're forced to decide whether they're better off together or apart. It's available for pre-order now and the eBook will be released on December 14th.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08NP9WPZS/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0
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