Stay-at-home Orders for Stay-at-Home Moms... a bigger burden than you'd imagine

You might think that quarantine would be easy for a stay-at-home mom. After all, stay-at-home order, stay-at-home mom… the names are pretty similar. I understand the confusion. But contrary to what the name suggests, stay-at-home moms are rarely at home. Every day is (or at least it was) a rush to get out the door. My daughter, like most toddlers, acted much better out in the world than she did at home with me. We both benefitted from having new experiences, so we spent our mornings at the Children’s Hands on Museum, or the Library, or meeting a friend at the park, or having lunch… you get the idea. Speaking of friends, that’s another thing. I had worked hard to find a community of friends that were also stay-at-home moms or had flexible working arrangements. My days were frequently spent with my friends and their children. We could talk while our kids entertained each other. There were my bi-monthly MOPS meetings (that came with childcare). My weekly Pilates class (again, with childcare). I would drop off my daughter two mornings a week at her Day School. That was my favorite time of the week. I got to head to a coffee shop and be productive or have the chance to be home alone. Apart those times, I’d meet up with my mom friends for a play date or go shopping with my mom. My days were full, and I had help with my daughter almost every day.

Though my days are different than they once were, there isn’t a stark contrast. It’s different, harder, but not that different. I actually envy those that have these vastly different lives in quarantine. The people that once worked long hours. Now they get to cherish this slower-paced lives and relish in the extra time with their child. This is a change of pace. Kind of like a vacation. They know that their life will go back to normal. At least they have that security that this time in your life will end.

I have no idea whether my daughter’s day school will open up in the fall. This isn’t a full-time childcare situation for many of the children. Will they decide that this school is non-essential and not worth the risk of opening? Will my husband and I decide that it isn’t worth sending her? I don’t know. My gym has plans of reopening, but the childcare will come much later. Even when the museums and libraries finally do open, I’m not sure when I’ll think it’s safe enough for my daughter to visit them. It’s hard enough for me to not touch my face when I’m out and about. How do I expect her to? Currently, she’s getting in her molars and has her hands in her mouth constantly. I know they say kids 2 and up can wear masks, but I’m not even going to try to put on her. She won’t even let me pull her hair up, there’s no use in even trying to get her to wear a mask. So, for the foreseeable future (2 months? 6 months?), Marissa will not be venturing out into public places. Will this be easy on either of us? No. But I have to suck it up because I know it’s for the best.

Being quarantined is only the worst parts of my old life. It wasn’t the constant cooking, non-stop childcare, the schedule that was dictated by other people’s needs, or isolation that I enjoyed about being a stay-at-home mom. No, those were the parts I resented. The best part of being a stay-at-home mom was leaving. Being a stay-at-home mom was worth the sacrifices because of the freedom I had to do what I wanted, when I wanted. And now that’s all gone. Our days of meandering through stores and museums are a thing of the past. I’m forced to admit this this isn’t temporary and as much as I hate this term, this really is the ‘new normal.’ My daughter is handling the best out of any of us, but in the long run, she will suffer the most. A life of can’ts, of isolation, and being scared of people. She may not understand the ramifications of it yet, but I feel sad for her.

My hat goes off to the parents juggling work life and home life in the same setting. It can’t be easy trying to maintain a sense of professionalism while hearing a kid scream ‘mommy’ through the crack in the door. But at least you get some sliver of your old life. You get to accomplish something and you get a small break from the constant ‘momming’. Since my husband is still ‘working’ at least somewhat, it’s up to me to pick up the slack. I am on all the time. I had so much help before. I had a life I enjoyed, and it was all taken away. I try to maintain a positive attitude most of the time, but it’s also important to grieve your losses. And we’ve had some big losses. There’s not much left to say except, Corona virus, you suck.