Initiation into Motherhood
There are certain things that others will warn you about when you're pregnant. "Get ready for your life to change!" they'll say. Or, be prepared to not get any sleep. But you'll find yourself totally unprepared really important or totally surprising parts of motherhood. The second time around, these little known (or easily forgotten) aspects have both taken me by surprise and totally caught me off guard. So here I am spilling the dirt on what first time moms really need to know headed into motherhood.
1. The first couple months after having a baby, your body goes haywire. Your emotions are all over the place (more on that later), you're exhausted, yet bored. And juust when things start to even out a little, the postpartum hair loss begins. It started for me when my baby was about three months old. For the past couple weeks, every time I wash my hair or even run my fingers through it, I lose huge chunks of it. While we're discussing hair loss... a lot of babies (including both of mine) lose the hair that they're born with and then start regrowing it all over again. So presently, my son and I are both a little more bald than we were a few months ago.
2. During both of my pregnancies, I stocked up on a sensible amount of baby clothes in sizes newborn to 6 months. I wanted to be preared without going overboard. Let me let you in on the secret... you're never prepared. There are months where it feels like your baby will never grow and you go out and stock up on more of that size because you're so sick of seeing them in the same few outfits. Then, before you know it, they hit a growth spurt and skip one size almost completely. I guess there's no advice I can give you to combat this problem. Just know not to go overboard on anything and have a variety of styles (short sleeve, long, sleepers) on hand. Having to go shopping for more baby clothes is never too big of a burden.
3. While we're talking about clothes, here's another caveat to consider. A few months before I had my daughter, I bought this totally over-the-top Alabama tutu. The lady who made it sold it to me on the promise that it would grow with my daughter from a dress to a skirt as she aged. From that standpoint, it seemed like a steal for only $30. Let me tell you, Marissa never wore that thing. I'm not sure I even tried it on her. It simply wasn't her (or should we say, my) style. It was too fussy and too impractical for me to ever put it on my kid. I thought I would love my son in all the hipster, simplistic clothing that's all the rage these days. I tried several different outfits on him, but they just never looked quite right on him. But the second I put a button-up onsie on him, I knew exactly what I liked on him. You can try to imagine what you'll like on your kid, but until you actually see them in it, you'll never know for sure. Don't crazy with big bows or smocked outfits before you settle on a style.
4. In the movies, you see new moms depicted as exhausted, yet ecstatic. They say that the birth of their child is the happiest day of their life. Sure, there are some happy moments, but overall, the postpartum period is a pretty gloomy period. The transition into motherhood hits you hard. No longer can you focus on your needs. You've got a little one who needs you around the clock. Then there's your hormones... One minute you're feeling grateful and the next you're crying because... why are you crying again? Oh yeah, because you wanted an ice cream sandwhich, but you're out. The first week or two (in non-COVID times) you're surrounded by friends and family, but then your husband goes back to work and life goes back to normal for everyone else, but you. And it sucks. You resent the baby for disrupting your life. You miss how life was before they came into it. You wonder whether you have postpartum depression. Then the baby blues fades and your baby gives you an adorable grin and you know everything is going to be okay. With my second baby I knew that the 'weepy period' was just a phase and didn't sweat it when it came. That being said, if your mopey mood doesn't feel fleeting, don't hesitate to make a call to your doctor. Postpartum anxiety and depression is very common and normal. It doesn't make you a bad mom and the sooner you accept it, the sooner you can begin to get better.
5. Now I know I said that the baby sucks up all of your free time and depends on you 24/7, but another thing I didn't realize was how much downtime I'd have in the first weeks with a baby. Sure, you are busy, but you are also confined to a couch (or maybe a bed or nursing chair) for most of the day. You literally get the best excuse in the world to neglect everything else besides your baby and the most basic needs. This means you can watch endless TV (I watched 7 seasons of a show on Netflix in a matter of a couple weeks). I tried to be slightly more productive with baby #2 and busied myself by listening to podcasts and reading e-books on my phone. If you DON'T make the most of this downtime, you'll really begin to resent your baby and be mad about all they're keeping you from doing.
6. Given how much you're doing for this baby, you'd think that you'd be jumping at the bit to get a minute to yourself. Yet, I haven't found that to be true. In fact, I feel less ready to leave my son than I was with my daughter. He feels like an extension of me and I don't know what to do with myself the few times I've been away from him. I'll take him along with me wherever I go, but the thought of leaving him behind for a girl's night out seems totally unappealing to me at this stage. The opposite may be true for you. If you predict you'll be attached at the hip, you could find that you leave him behind for a luxurious trip to grocery shop solo the first chance you get.
Overall, I guess the best (unsolicited) advice I can doll out is to drop all your expectations. Read all the articles about becoming a mom you can get your hands on. Be aware of what it's like to have a c-section (it's a doozy, let me tell ya), have a baby in the NICU, have postpartum depression/anxiety, and anything else you may encounter. This way, on the off-chance that it happens to you, you'll have some semblence of preparation.
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